The Story Of Hanukkah, As Told By Sloths Fun Love

Happy Slothukkah!

So one day, the Second Temple in Jerusalem was looted, services were stopped and Judaism was outlawed. And Jews were like, "WAIT, WHAT?"

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Then in 167 B.C., this dude named Antiochus was like "Yo, I'm going to build a Zeus altar in here, 'cause he's my boy and also you can't do circumcision and I'm going to sacrifice some pigs over there, that chill?"

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Obviously, this was NOT chill. And in 166 B.C. a Jewish priest, Mattathias was like:

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And he gathered his 5 sons and was like, "Yo, boys. We gotta fight this bullshit."

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The Story Of Hanukkah, As Told By Sloths Fun Love

The American Revolution, As Told By Sloths Fun Love

HAPPY BIRTHDAY, AMERICA.

So, by 1765 the Thirteen Colonies were getting pretty sick of Britain's suffocating rules and taxation policies.

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After a bunch of uprisings like the Boston Tea Party, the British passed a lot of very rude laws and were like, "YOUR MOVE, PATRIOTS."

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So the Americans had no choice but to say to the Brits:

(They suppressed both Loyalists, those who were loyal to Britain and royal officials.)

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THEY ALL FOUGHT N FOUGHT

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The American Revolution, As Told By Sloths Fun Love

The Story Of Easter, As Told By Sloths Fun Love

Not all about bunnies laying eggs, after all.

So, after Jesus was crucified he was put in his own tomb.

(Very nice accommodations.)

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THEN SUDDENLY a violent earthquake struck and everyone was like, "WHAT'S THAT? WHO'S THERE?"

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The Story Of Easter, As Told By Sloths Fun Love